Author: Adisha
•Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Have you ever wanted to go back in time and find out what went wrong between you and someone you were close to? Meet someone and talk to them about why it is that you guys are so apart when once you were joined at the hip? Fill in the holes and figure out all that still stumps you when you think about it? Sure, most of us just want to let bygones be bygones, treat tiffs as an experience and move on. But memories being those little nagging things that have the habit of coming up from no where, I'm sure all of us wonder about those times when we were miserable and misunderstood. No one can change the past, but we could maybe just solve the mystery behind each fight, misunderstanding, boycott, no talk zone, rudeness, betrayal and the likes ...

Why is it that people would rather jump to conclusions than talk things over and sort things out? Like I say time and again, I'm no saint but then why is it that no one ever tries to look at themselves and what they've done from another point of view. Sure, most fights are about each one being right in their own ways, but there is still the little matter of what actually transpired. And in most cases, it's just a silly matter of i said, you said or i did, you did. Most people do not even intend to be hurtful, it's just perceived as that because of the bias we hold regards to what we believe is right or wrong.

Before marriage, whenever I had any issues, I used to go around asking at least 2 or more people from different genres whether my position in Any distressing situation had a sound basis or not? Most of the times I'd get my perspective straightened re aligned or would be re assured and only then would I take actual action. Sure, it meant I was an open book but then, I'd rather be transparent than morally wrong. In the process, if nothing else, I got to know myself better. Now, this is not everyone's cup of tea. For not everyone can handle criticism or the metaphorical mirror but it's healthy to have someone in your life who'll turn you right side up.

How many of us have had close friends or relatives and had the courage to tell someone what's not likable about them ? And in time those less likable qualities grow into an ever increasing ravine between you two that just can't be filled with niceties or small talk anymore. Most will say, why should we say anything? It's their life, they probably know what they were doing and there's no point us getting our hands dirty. Why is it that we prefer being politically correct than truthful? Oh ! I don't suggest we go around correcting everyone, just the ones who we truly care about. But again, here there's the little snag that most people turn a blind eye to those who are good to them till the point of time things turn sour. The general motto is " He's good to me, so what should I care ? " One forgets that a person's basic nature is defined by his/her behaviour to all, and not just you. For chances are, a person whose rude to others, will at some or other time in the future, be rude to you too. And then wondering " where did that come from ? " is going to be futile. Every person has a face they put on for different people. It's hard to put them all together but once you do, be it good or bad, it's that time you truly know the kind of person you're dealing with.

Thankfully, I've had a chance to rekindle many a old friendships turned sour. Of course, not every relation is worth putting in the extra effort. Some people and their issues are just better left alone. Yet, in other cases, after talking things over and filling out the blanks, I found it's just a simple misunderstanding, whose spark was given excess fuel to by a third party who sat back and enjoyed whatever benefits they could reap from the spat. Some pieces of various puzzles still remain missing but on the whole, from each experience I've learnt that only if spoken my mind and sorted things out immediately, I could have saved myself a lot of heart ache. So, as important as it is to show the people you care about that you love them, it's equally important to be truthful and should any issue arise leave nothing unsaid ...
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2 Spin Offs:

On October 10, 2008 at 4:18 AM , dreamy said...

I think people keep quiet for many reasons..they dont want to hurt the other person..they dont want to look like the bad guy..they dont want to show that they are vulnerable...there could be many more..but i have learned that none of these reasons are good enuf...if u dont say it, you will keep mulling over it again and again and might invent some things which do not exist (happens with me)...instead its much much easier to just say it out in the open and boy the relief!! many a times we expect people to understand that something is bothering us and we want them to keep asking us even if we say 'nothing' the first time...but we have to remember that not everyone is a mind reader..

 
On October 11, 2008 at 2:08 PM , Adisha said...

Here ye , Here Ye !!

Cheers ... :)