Author: Adisha
•Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Left a comment on Dame's post recently. It was a humorous take on the different kinds of love a boy and girl would share. In the comment I said " Love is just another emotion ". And I once again got to thinking about how love is so over rated. Poor Love ! So many expectations from so small a word.

Love, like life, death, work, worship, afterlife is a never ending topic. And most of us are after the ideal definition trying to make out what the hell it's actually about ? When you see people around you and have experiences that make you question humanity in people, gets you to wondering if anyone even knows what love actually feels like. Yeah, sure we throw around " I love you"s to people we feel strongly for, but what about " true love" ? The eternal, romantic, movie magic kind that makes you weak in the knees, the kind you'd die for. And if we say I love you to someone one moment, where does that so called love disappear some days, months, or years down the line ?

Anger, happiness, joy, jealousy, sorrow, hatred, passion are all emotions. I figure, with love being an emotion as well, why is there so much pressure on it to go on forever. It too comes intensely and may go away after some time. The problem Might be that people confuse love with the search of their " perfect someone " and those are two totally different entities.

Love can be of different kinds, with different people, having different shades, but when you find your perfect someone. Someone whose compatible, rather complimentary to your basic nature and mix in the Right amounts of understanding, respect, caring, friendship, devotion, and loyalty is when " True Love" starts emerging ... something that will last forever.

And when one is lucky to find such a love, everything becomes easy. For nothing is a burden when done for the ones you love. Everything just kind of flows, and even the happiness one feels is like a glow from within. But don't mistake me, it still, always needs to be worked that. The trick I guess is to always remember that all you have may disappear at any moment. If you know that you would be nothing, if you lost what you had now, you'd cherish it with that much more passion. Every day, every moment, with your heart, with your soul.

Still it's important to know when to let go of something when it's not working for you. Too much, or too little and it's just not right, is it ?! Every ingredient needs to be just right when you want to create perfection.

Recently, I've had a few friends not doing so well, in relations and in marriage. It tears at my heart, what people do each other, in a relation, granted in different ways. Why do people just expect everything to be JUST the way they want it without putting in Their own 100 %. In today's day and age, when one has time to get to know their respective spouses, why does one still choose to go in blindly, thinking " Oh ! It'll probably change later ?? " Hello !!!! It doesn't change. Nothing changes. If you can't deal with something now, chances are 5 years down the line, with work , and other responsibilities those same things will be impossible to deal with.
Then there's my favorite. " I could have / will do better " ( in ref, to their current, spouse, lover, partner ) What in the world kind of thinking is that ???? You will do better, but is this like an exchange offer ?? Do people KNOW the meaning of commitment ?? Why commit if you weren't sure in the first place ?? Loyalty is a thing of yesterday. "It's not working for me, let me find solace with another - emotional , physical , whatever. " People !!!! If it's not working for you, it's not working for both of you, cut your losses and move on. Don't cheat, in whatever small way. That's so uncool! Relations, any for that matter, marriages, kids , need work !! So WORK at it. Don't' crib about it. And DON"T compare it to someone Else's. Believe it or not, each relationship is unique. Oh !! These may Seem like ramblings of things Everyone knows about. But when I look around me, there's so little of common sense I see, it sucks !!! So many wrongs, I could go on and on ! People think they are better than one another, taking each other for granted, talking rudely to each other, the silence, the pain, the punishments, the nagging, the superior attitude, the inferiority complex, the sarcasm, the indifference, the disrespect, the tears, the drama. And all for what ?? How does Any of the above help a relationship ? Why don't people just concentrate on matters that would Actually make a difference 5 years down the line ? If it's a deal breaker then work on it. If not, then keep at it. Why do people give up on working on their so easily ? Oh ! I could go on and on, but I guess this is getting to be like a judgmental rampage. Forgive me guys. It's just me, feeling angry at the recklessness that people show to commitments / people.

I guess, what I want to say is wake up - smell the flowers, look at them, touch them, feel them and above all nurture them. For the love that you have this moment is the only there forever, IF you decorate it with all the other emotions you have within you ...
Author: Adisha
•Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Asha has very kindly tagged me and well though I've already done something similar in my about me post, I thought why not do it in a different way. One might say it's a little narcissistic but hey! it's fun to reminisce so here I'm gonna put down a few anecdotes and since it was my anniversary yesterday, a few notes about my marriage too. I'm sure it'll be too much to read maybe but if you find it entertaining enough, it might give you an insight to my life as well.

1. My dad taught me swimming by taking me deep into the sea and dumping me in it. I used to react by screaming to the high heavens about how he hated me and never wanted a daughter. Lolzz. ( I was their only child at that time and I'm glad today since I just love swimming, NOW ).

2. I was a total chatterbox in school and was called the same. Once after being warned once, I got hit on the knuckles with a wooden scale, by my Arabic Teacher. I don't know if I deserved it, but that was the only punishment a teacher ever gave me... about talking atleast ;) :))

3. Me and my friend were always competitive. We were 8 or 9 ,I believe and it was the first time I was in class A, usually it would be class B. So she says, " I'm in B, it's for best. " I responed," I'm in class A, A is for airoplane . We can fly really fast and go wayyy ahead. " LOLzzz. I know. What was I thinking !!!??

4. Till age 10, I was such a goody two shoes that I even took permission to go to the bathroom. :))

5. When my brother was about to be born 10 years after me, my mom had a lot of trouble. Poor thing even fractured her leg, so I told her, " Mama, he's troubling you now, he won't later. And I'm a good girl now toh I'll trouble you lot later. " A statement that turned out to be a prophecy. ;)

6. My love for reading began with Archies comics and then moved onto Amar chitra katha, Chandamama, Secret seven, Perry Mason, Mills and Boons and then Jeffry Archer , so on !! And my love for all the above remains till today.

7. For my 9th birthday, I had my friends over to practice for a play. Till date I wonder why I had the cake with ketchup and salt !!!

8. For my 10th, I was getting highest marks in Hindi in all three classes put together. But when the result came, I got 64 something, surprising everyone most of all me. Then I came up with the concept of how marks are given in board exams. People throw up the papers. Those that fall on the right, get good marks and those on the left, below 65. Something I believe till date. Lolzz. I don't blame them. Who can actually Read all those papers in all that bad handwriting.

9. In 12th, I had to take Bio, a dreaded subject for me. It was the first time I was commuting in trains in Mumbai, living with someone other than my family, studying morning 3 to night 12. My aunt gave a party when I got 53 for my first exam that so pampered a gurl, managed to get atleast this much. :)) Till date I'm not very sure if that was a compliment !! :)) Kidding Masi!

10. My first year engineering, a girl sat next to me. Turns out, she too was a Rajput from Bhopal. We had so many things in common, it was shocking.I finally understood the meaning of " It's a small world."

11. In all my years of engineering, my attendance must have been only 20 %, and that's including the practicals. Not that I'm proud of it but I had better things to do, like going to Khandala on a whim or catching the movies, well, you get the picture !! :)

12. We were organizing a dance for our first year function. A now very good friend of mine, had started talking to me with the line, " So, you from kuwait? You guys travel on camel there. ?" I couldn't believe the absurdity then, and I don't believe it now. hehehe.

13. On more than one occasion, I've been labeled, Ice queen, egoist, reserved, or downright weird. Credit goes to the fact that I prefer observing people before I talk to them.

14. When I was young, I took up pottery, fabric painting one summer. I seemed to have a flair for it and even got a prize, because of which my parents did not stop me for painting a muriel on one of our walls at home. It was very sweet of them to wait a month or two, before painting back over it. :))

15. During ragging in college, one of my seniors asked me what my hobbies were. I said reading, and then with a shrewd expression she asked me if I've read Jackie Collins. Truth be told, I had but knowing the questions that would probably follow my admittance, I cleverly denied it. Saved me a ton of trouble.

16. One of my proxy giver friends in college, very cleverly gave my proxy in a class of 12 where there were only 2 girls. Needless to say, I was in a big mess till the end of my term since I wouldn't tell the professor who my kind helper was.

17. A great friend of mine and me, used to just love catching first day first shows. It'd become such a matter of honor for us that we thought nothing for paying Rs.250 for a Rs.80 ticket to watch Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum. Such fun times.

18. For the millenium, 4 of us gurls decided that we just had to party hard that night. Something different, something unique. We roamed around half of mumbai, but found that all parties worth attending were 1000 and above, so finally at 11.30 we decided to go back to my uncle's building party. Danced all night. Tasted champagne for the first time, After taking my grandma's permission mind you but spit it out the second I tasted it ... Yup!!! Fun times indeed.

19. My engagement to my husband was decided without actually meeting each other. We had emailed, chatted, talked over the phone and liked each other. I had met his parents (he was in US) and liked them and they liked what they saw in me. 2 days before the engagement, my supervisor sat me down and told me, that it's ok if I didn't want to go ahead with the engagement after I met him. It was my life and I was entitled to saying no, if I wanted to. Other than him, only my cousin said the same to me. I was pleasantly surprised that he cared enough to say that to me. :)

20. After talking to me 4 hours at his stop over during his flight to my place for our engagement , my to be fiancee just wouldn't look at me or talk to me and it was totally freaking me out. On our way out, finding a moment alone with him at the end of the day, I rudely said, " Excuse me! If you don't want to, you don't have to. If you don't like me in person, you don't have to marry me. " To which he reacted with shock for a few seconds and then burst out laughing, said," Nothing like that. Chal chal. " Later he said, he was just shy and just loved my gutsiness. ":D

21. During our wedding, we were supposed to read out our vows in pure hindi, which to my annoyance, my husband kept assisting me with by whispering it in my ears. We finally ended up laughing our way through them, specially when one came about how I'd keep a control on my expenses for the benefit of the household. lolzzz...

22. When my brother was 4, due to some misunderstanding in the two groups, he was left at the Shoppers stop in Andheri, Mumbai. Till date that incident haunts me as to what might have happened. But it's great for my brother, who never misses a chance to emotionally blackmail me.

23. My husband loves playing with cars, climbing on trees and such. Once he made a big mess in the house with cartons, creating bridges and tunnels, driving his remote controlled cars through them in the search of the perfect set up. Exasperated I yelled, " OMG !! What a mess you are making. Kids play with cars like this. Aren't you much older than that?? "Looking suitably chastised, he looekd at me with a small face responding, " But the box says, 12 years and older na ?! " What can I say ?! He's just that kind of guy. And I love him for it... :) :X

24. We had gone to Poconos mountain, for snowtubing, in which you sit on a tire like thingy and go down the hill. It was snowing but the snow below our feet had turned to ice. I wasn't wearing proper shoes and kept sliding in the queue , holding onto my husband for support. To everyone's immense I fell down, taking the next two people with me, sliding without the tube. lolzzz

25. Phew !!!! If you've made it to here you deserve an award. On the other hand, maybe you're now curious to know more About Me !!!? :))

But seriously, I hope you enjoyed the trip down My memory lane. Thanks Asha for tagging me. I for one had fun !!! :D

I'd like to tag - Dreamy, Keshi, Arun, Kunal, Hemanth, Kunjal , Nekita, Ash D, Raj87, Comfortably Numb and GopalKrishnan

Cmon guys !! Let us know some more about you.
Author: Adisha
•Thursday, April 16, 2009
I'm into murder mysteries. Yeah, sure it's kinda morbid but hey ! to each his own. I love the deductions, the dark humor in some, the mystery, the motives, the depths of human emotions - love, hatred, jealousy, envy etc etc and even a bit of the ghoulishness.

One such show I catch on and off is Cold Case . A murder happens that goes cold over time and then a new piece of evidence causes the team to investigate it all over again to find the culprit, which of course they usually do. What I personally love about the series is that in the end of it, once the perpetrator and his motives are found, a glimpse of the murdered person is seen by one or more of the people closest to the dead person or the person most affected.

There's something appealing to me, in the portrayal of a spirit that is finally come to peace with it's life or it's end rather once it's all come a full circle. In knowing that those that loved them and those who meant them harm have all realized their own truths. It's amazing since we don't even really know what happens after death. But there's something hopeful in the knowledge that there's something called a soul in each one of us that is our essence, defining who we are and is accountable for our deeds in future, ie the after life.

Now, I do believe that our life is also based on karma, which gives us the options to even out the rights and wrongs. Our actions and our decisions, our feelings and our reactions are all added and subtracted from a huge calculator somewhere. But then I would like to also believe it's our souls that help us along guiding / nudging us spiritually and our souls that we take onto whatever lies after our breathing has stopped. Why I'd like to believe this more than anything is because of the one or two people I've met who appear to have no conscience. I have no right to, but some days I wish hard that if nothing, they at least once realize the pain they've put others through. That their spirit would at least be answerable if not their minds, their hearts or their conscience.

That is why I lean towards believing the myth that spirits live among us, those who die tragically, unnaturally, or with some secret. That each soul has to find it's harmony in nature and with it's self. That parts of the spirits of those we truly love remain behind with us as well, looking out for us.

And that is why whenever I see the ending of that serial I find myself overwhelmed with the emotions one Might feel when they finally see every corner, even the darkest of their lives coming a full circle : if not in their life but after death , years later even. We each have a cold case within us which is unfinished, questions unanswered. Imagine, the satisfaction of knowing that all is right finally, and the peace that would come with it.
Author: Adisha
•Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Another realization : I can't stay away from writing.

A thought has been haunting me these days. The past - these days feels like it's an elusive butterfly that I try to keep catching. My stay at my parents' place has become a distant memory all too soon. That's taken me as a total shock. And another thing, I've had a colorful life. And yet as I live in my present I realize that I'm more and more distanced from those moments which once upon a time I was so passionate about. That's not necessarily a Bad thing in some cases :) and in others I find myself missing what I had, wishing those days weren't disappearing in the mist of my life today . When I struggle to remember how it was at a given point, I find myself grasping at straws in the dark, finding that it's mostly only the feeling that remains. It leaves me kind of guilty as I abandon even the search of those times. Maybe I should have thought about those seconds, minutes, hours, days more often so that they didn't just evaporate.

Do you remember Every single detail of what's happened in Your lives ? I don't and yet I find myself someone whose made up of all my experiences in the past. I tend to react and conclude based on what I've already faced or seen. So, why is that ? Why can't I leave the days gone by behind ? Why is it that I carry things people have said, done to me with me every where I go ? Not just me, i believe it's something Most of us do. I live in the moment more than anyone I know and I find it's completely exclusive of holding our past near.

Which brings me to the conclusion. The past is only a bundle of memories - sounds, smells, visions, colors or feelings even. A summary, if you will of each episode of what we've gone through. Each period neatly totaled into a lesson or a characteristic that defines us. Sure we remember instances, which are usually the ones that affect us the most Or the tales with which we regale those close to us or those that we cherish and think about often. The rest of our lives become a blur, a haze that we've walked through to get to where we are today.

Somehow that makes me sad. Some days I feel I've not lived enough.