•Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Another realization : I can't stay away from writing.
A thought has been haunting me these days. The past - these days feels like it's an elusive butterfly that I try to keep catching. My stay at my parents' place has become a distant memory all too soon. That's taken me as a total shock. And another thing, I've had a colorful life. And yet as I live in my present I realize that I'm more and more distanced from those moments which once upon a time I was so passionate about. That's not necessarily a Bad thing in some cases :) and in others I find myself missing what I had, wishing those days weren't disappearing in the mist of my life today . When I struggle to remember how it was at a given point, I find myself grasping at straws in the dark, finding that it's mostly only the feeling that remains. It leaves me kind of guilty as I abandon even the search of those times. Maybe I should have thought about those seconds, minutes, hours, days more often so that they didn't just evaporate.
Do you remember Every single detail of what's happened in Your lives ? I don't and yet I find myself someone whose made up of all my experiences in the past. I tend to react and conclude based on what I've already faced or seen. So, why is that ? Why can't I leave the days gone by behind ? Why is it that I carry things people have said, done to me with me every where I go ? Not just me, i believe it's something Most of us do. I live in the moment more than anyone I know and I find it's completely exclusive of holding our past near.
Which brings me to the conclusion. The past is only a bundle of memories - sounds, smells, visions, colors or feelings even. A summary, if you will of each episode of what we've gone through. Each period neatly totaled into a lesson or a characteristic that defines us. Sure we remember instances, which are usually the ones that affect us the most Or the tales with which we regale those close to us or those that we cherish and think about often. The rest of our lives become a blur, a haze that we've walked through to get to where we are today.
Somehow that makes me sad. Some days I feel I've not lived enough.
A thought has been haunting me these days. The past - these days feels like it's an elusive butterfly that I try to keep catching. My stay at my parents' place has become a distant memory all too soon. That's taken me as a total shock. And another thing, I've had a colorful life. And yet as I live in my present I realize that I'm more and more distanced from those moments which once upon a time I was so passionate about. That's not necessarily a Bad thing in some cases :) and in others I find myself missing what I had, wishing those days weren't disappearing in the mist of my life today . When I struggle to remember how it was at a given point, I find myself grasping at straws in the dark, finding that it's mostly only the feeling that remains. It leaves me kind of guilty as I abandon even the search of those times. Maybe I should have thought about those seconds, minutes, hours, days more often so that they didn't just evaporate.
Do you remember Every single detail of what's happened in Your lives ? I don't and yet I find myself someone whose made up of all my experiences in the past. I tend to react and conclude based on what I've already faced or seen. So, why is that ? Why can't I leave the days gone by behind ? Why is it that I carry things people have said, done to me with me every where I go ? Not just me, i believe it's something Most of us do. I live in the moment more than anyone I know and I find it's completely exclusive of holding our past near.
Which brings me to the conclusion. The past is only a bundle of memories - sounds, smells, visions, colors or feelings even. A summary, if you will of each episode of what we've gone through. Each period neatly totaled into a lesson or a characteristic that defines us. Sure we remember instances, which are usually the ones that affect us the most Or the tales with which we regale those close to us or those that we cherish and think about often. The rest of our lives become a blur, a haze that we've walked through to get to where we are today.
Somehow that makes me sad. Some days I feel I've not lived enough.
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18 Spin Offs:
beautiful post Adisha! I loved how u wrote it.
**Each period neatly totaled into a lesson or a characteristic that defines us.
Thats so true! We may not rem every minute detail of our PAST, but all of it is engraved in us, in our personalities and how we see our futures.
I kinda feel sad when I think abt the days I miss, but I know that they r a huge part of who I am today...so they r still WITH me u see.
Keshi.
memories never vanis adisha ..:)..they just hide from us..and they come to rescue when the loneliness feeling tries to take over us..no one ever remembers all the details it just cant be true to remember the whole life history but some sweet memories are always stored in the pockets to be taken out for rescue mission.just think the way it is :)...be happy take a break with ur parents..and say a big hi to them from my side to :)....never feel lonely we friends are always here for ya..just a mail or call away..:)..so never hesitate to disturb us :)...dont worry memory can hold some billions of sweets things not all tc..have a nice day :)...
urs..hemu..
Wow Keshi !! Thanks ... Yeah, that's the only consolation we have I guess. That everything that we've done we carry with us every wehre we go :)
Thankyou Hemanth !! Will take you up on that :D Till then hope to see mroe of you here in bloggersville
I share your feelings.
hey Adisha,
very well Written, u really have a specialty in u, whenever i read ur posts i just feel in touch with it, that these things are happening with me & some incidents of my life gets flashbacked....
u seriously have a magic in your writing...
Yeah we can't Remember all incidents of our life but there are some incidents which we can't Forget!!!
God Bless!!!!!!
Keep Smiling.......
Regards
kunal
@ Virus - Thanks for visiting and for the vote of agreement :)
@ Kunal - Thank you so much for your kind words. Yeah, I write more often than not wondering if there are others' out there who think / feel the same at times ... Well, hoping to read more from u as well ...
i guess that is why we need to learn to appreciate the NOW. Unappreciated today will tommorrow be 'a painful yesterday'.
"I tend to react and conclude based on what I've already faced or seen."
Don't we all! Everything is a kind of deja vu.
I feel the same way, so often! Its like something is kept right in front of you but just when you stretch forward to grasp it, it shifts a little further. Always elusive. But maybe that is how it is intended. Maybe its just another message from God to live in the moment!
wonderful blog, Adisha.
Aparna
hey. Lovely post adisha :) Glad that you're back to writing :) Welcome Back!
I think all of us tend to carry our past along..which is not really as bad as it is usually made out to be. Things that have happened to us in the past contribute to our experiences and through mistakes we've made in the past, we learn what not to do in the future. It kind of governs how we live today, and we live today more purposefully.
Atleast I look at it that we. I am what I am today only because of things that I have gone tthrough in the past :)
Cheers
CRD
"Which brings me to the conclusion. The past is only a bundle of memories - sounds, smells, visions, colors or feelings even."
That line sums it up.
I think u have asked a lot of questions and answered them as well.neatly written i must say.only what is appropriate.no deviations.The brain is one of THE wonderful things on earth.It just keeps in the information that it thinks as necessary and snaps all the old connections which it thinks as redundant.hence ur memory loss :).Thats it.
@ virus
that is indeed THE comment :)
I must say u r a diplomat Adisha!!
But its good to put memories away in a magic box to bring out and savour on a rainy day!!!
Hi!!! :D
My holidays start from today!
hi...
nice blog and a very sensible way of writing...
check out my blog at http://gdhameja.blogspot.com
well said adisha!!
i ws tryin to remembr those moments bt i cud count thm on fingers...i flt like bst thing past can do is to give u a lesson(as u call it), an experience, n if u tk it proprly thn u live a perfect past..
Mukesh
That's good that you can't stay away from writing :) Maybe you should publish yourself . Check out my site - http://www.serenewoods.com ... Maybe you might want to publish yourself there :) Take care ... Came across your blog through my sister's - Appy...