OK !! This is probably one of the more controversial topics I may talk about, and it May hit a few nerves so I'm taking the precaution of saying that all the below is from my experiences and all that I've seen and heard from people around me, people I've loved and cared for deeply and seen in their worst times. So if anyone does not agree, sure put your point forward but it's just something I personally believe in. No offense meant and if it helps any of you out there .... they are words from my heart to yours ....
I read the book " He's Just Not That Into You " yesterday. The tag line being " It's the no excuses rule to understanding guys " and that's exactly what it is. It's a light read, which is so to the point that it's hilarious in it's common sense. I recommend it to all the girls out there. Do yourselves a favor and read it. I wish I had back when !!! Yes, it's girly girly but guys too could benefit from it, for Many gals are prone to the same kind of obnoxious behavior that some times guys alone are blamed for. They say ( I don't know who ?? ) that men are from mars and women are from
Venus but we all co inhabit the same planet and well, lets face it, with women's equality on an exponential rise we see men as confused as women and when single, everyone could use some help deciphering their counterparts.
Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about today. When reading the book it occurred to me how stupid, yes Stupid all of us get in the name of LOVE !! How we are all willing to put up with the weirdest things mixing up fact with fiction? Is it hormones ?? I don't know . Maybe it's the movies or romance novels. Maybe it's the VERSION of what we want our love or the object of our desire to be. Maybe it's that our parents / society/ media grill into us to do Everything for the person you love. Maybe people DO go blind in those moments. Maybe we just want to be loved so bad that we just keep stumbling in love, accepting whatever kind someone gives us. Harsh ?! Yeah, well ... but it's true more often than not.
We make excuses for those we love. Sure, there are times when compromise and understanding are Very essential to the success of any relation, but many other times we let go things that are Big NO
NOs, just
becoz we have convinced
ourselves to overlook the FACTS and accept the hazy realities presented to us or the lies we tell ourselves. It's important to know to differentiate. Lies and Actions that if we see happening to another seem absurd and yet we let it All happen to us
becoz we think Our love is Different, Unique. Well, the truth is - it's not !!! And another truth is, NOT everything is
OK in the name of Love.
- It's not ok to for someone to say things they have no intention of doing like call or bring a gift or help out or give time.
- It's not ok for someone to keep another waiting time and again with no regard for another.
- It's not ok to be indifferent or insulting to people the one you love cares about.
- It's not ok to consistently make fun of, condescend, taunt, be rude to or disrespectful of someone you love. (Abuse is not just physical you know and this kind of behavior also leaves the worst scars)
- It's not ok to be in touch with an exes while you are in a relationship. Sure, that's subjective but lets face it, what would one be proving by that and Most people are just not comfortable being in the presence of or compared to or jealous of someone from the past.
- It's not ok to be very possessive, not giving each other enough space to grow.
- It's not ok to cheat with a married person or a person in a relationship.
- It's not ok to brush off what is important to or the feelings or the talents of those you cherish.
- It's not ok to be in a long distance relationship and not call or keep in touch.
- It's not ok to give another importance while ignoring the person you are supposedly with.
- It's not ok for a guy to even raise a hand on a girl threateningly , neither a girl should ever slap the man in her life .
- It's not ok to flirt with other people when you know you hold the keys to someone else's heart.
- It's not ok to lead someone who believes in you onto paths from which it's really hard to return.
- It's not ok to mooch off the person who cares about you, only coz you are too shameless and cheap.
- It's not ok to get close to a married man or woman, no matter how horrid they claim their own spouses are. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
- It's not ok to not talk to each other for days, putting your ego before your relationship.
- It's not ok to be in a relationship, once the trust isn't there just becoz you're too scared to be alone.
None of it is OK.
Oh yes !!! We give ourselves and those around us a million reasons. He's too busy. She's
pre-occupied. They are just friends. He didn't mean to say that. She cares from inside but just can't show it. We are too different, and that's why we fight. The yelling is a part of our passion. It's not the right time for us to commit to each other. It's just fear of commitment, that's
OK right ? It won't be like this forever, they'll change. She's like this only with others, she'll be different with me. Our love is not like the others, it's unique. He's scared of his parents and will talk to them when the time is right. She's concentrating on her career right now. He understands me like no one else can, I don't care what else he does. I'll sacrifice everything if she asks me to. I can't imagine living without him. He's just stingy about money, that's ok coz he's saving for Our future. That happened to you, it would Never happen to me. I love him too much to let go. If I do something for him, doesn't mean he has to love me back the same way . He doesn't say it or show it , but i know he appreciates me. I know deep inside he loves me becoz usually he's nice to me, it's only sometimes that he's so rude. Look at how much she's helped me, I can't forget all that and leave her even after all the other things she's done. Oh!! His ex was a b*tch, which is why he's become like this - hurtful and scared of commitment. And the excuses go on and on .
Fact is No excuses can justify the Not Ok parts. Yeah, people may have their reasons but it's just not right. Most of the times, the above cases have Nothing to do with love. It's just one person putting all their belief into a " Fiction " that the other person loves them in their ways as well. It's just really, truly sad !!! My heart breaks when I hear any of the above and more, for I know that tomorrow, Most probably someone is going to get hurt. Bad !!!! And that turns into a vicious circle as people lash out or act out or hide within themselves, so as to ease the colosssal pain.
Yes, Love is magical, a mystery, miraculous, romantic and all that jazz !! Above all love is Simple.
I've said it all before, but I'll say it again.
- Love is kind, gentle, giving. Love makes every thing seem easy for you are always there for each other.
- Love makes you feel good about yourself and supports you in everything that you do. Love gives you the strength to be your self with the one your love.
- Love helps your grow to new heights becoming a better person that you were.
- Love is laughter, playfulness and fun !
- Love lets you know that you are special and cherished and cared for.
- Love works out all problems big or small, with the conviction that they can be solved.
- Love doesn't have measurements of who did what but it lets you know that you are appreciated for what you are.
- Love is when you trust someone enough to know they'll stand by your through everything.
- Love doesn't ask you to change. It might expect some adjustments, but Never to change your personality.
- Love is mutual respect.
- Love is what makes you dial a number, no matter how busy you are, just so that you can hear their voice or tell them you miss them or to let them know you'll call later.
- Love is what helps you stand by your convictions.
- Love is what breaks your heart when you see a tear in another's eye.
- Love is what has you jumping through hoops to see a smile of their face.
- Love is when you want someone else to be happy, even if it means you not being in their life.
Love doesn't cause pain and suffering. It's only as complicated as you make it. If you love someone truly , you'll try your utmost to be with them. If for some reason you can't, there's no shame in moving on and letting them do the same. Sure there's hurt and pain and tears but there's always the hope for a better tomorrow. It's truly blessed , to love with your whole being the person you commit the rest of your life to, whose returning the promise to you accepting you as is. You're heart is big enough. It can keep giving should you choose to. And fact of the matter is , if you talk to Anyone openly and frequently, soon there's a vibe between you that will surely grow into understanding. When you spend all your days and nights with someone how can you Not love them? Cherishing the past is fine, in fact it's important for it makes you what you are today, but holding onto it leaving no place for the present is just such a waste !!!!
All what I've said above is not just true of a guy and girl but also of any other relation. Why is it that we don't guide the people we care about so much with a doze of reality. It's admirable to support the ones you care about but we shouldn't be scared to nudge them in the right direction when we know what's happening is wrong. After all, what kind of love lets someone walk on the path of self destruction ?? It might not help immediately or maybe make you out to be a bad guy ( That's usually only if you're ruthlessly blunt ), but Maybe : just maybe your might make a difference. In the end, when all things are said and done, the intention will be appreciated.
As I say all of this I know it's all pointless. Only when realization dawns on the person in a given situation, does one decide that enough is enough. It doesn't matter till then who tells you what convincing you to do the right thing. When you decide to love yourself, is when all else falls into place. How else can you love another when you do not know to love yourself ?? It's surprisingly easy easy to lose yourself when you love another deeply and people don't usually know that it's much easier to find someone else to love that to repair your crushed self esteem . Believe me ! I've seen Most Versions of Love and what I've seen is to for any problem you need to believe with all your heart that it can be solved but more important is to know when to let go !!!!
So just stop giving excuses to yourself more than anyone else. Try, for once seeing things for what they are. Do yourself a favor and believe in yourself . Know that you are special and unique and there's someone out there who actually deserves you, who'll appreciate everything about you. Well, maybe not everything...but be sure they'll support you in your shortcomings, help your overcome them and gladly adjust with the rest. Don't worry about what others will say, they don't control the quality of your life, you do !!! Know what you want from your partner and be careful of what you're willing to give up. Believe that you can to be loved, just the way you want it and cherished with all that someone can give you.
Remember : You deserve to be happy !!!