Author: Adisha
•Friday, December 19, 2008
As I said before, I'm coming forward with a kind of synopsis of the Book " I Didn't Mean That " in my own words. The book's heading reads " How to Avoid Misunderstandings & Hurt Feelings in Everyday Life." And that's what it's all about. Those few moments which leave you with misguided consequences. This book with quite a number of examples in the form of stories from lives of people just like us is a wonderful light house for those of us bumbling to figure out what went wrong or how best to avoid unpleasant situations. :D

A few pointers from the book to give an idea of what it's about. I've found the book a keeper and am certainly going to keep dipping into it's pool at times of distress. Here's hoping that others find it just as beneficial.

Questions to ask yourself during any given situation -

Who am I speaking to ?
What am I not seeing ?
Where will my words lead me ?
How will the other person react to my words ?
Why must I say it at all ?
When do I say it ?

WHO

Be extra careful when emotions like blame, mistakes, contempt and disappointment run high. Those affected are usually those closest to you. At this point think of WHO it is you're talking to. Imagine all the good in that person and all that you have shared. Calming down before you bring forth any words that come forth due to rampant feelings.

WHAT

You don't always have to say it as you see it. Honesty, casual chats, curiosity, breaches of confidence are never excuses to say whatever you want to. What you may Not be seeing in the far future comes to use in those times when you have to look a little into what maybe playing in the back ground. A little tact, self discipline, and forethought would surely take you a long way.

WHERE

Judging, badgering, seeking attention, venting are situations when you're own words would come back to haunt you making you regret all you've said. Where your words might lead you should be given some serious thought.

HOW

Words can make or break a person or relation. You should think about How best to make your words count when giving advice, taking sides, accepting gifts, and coming to a compromise. Developing an awareness of the other person's feelings will help you realize what how to make amends or help during conflicts. Trying to put yourself in another's shoes will assist you in seeing where another is coming from.


WHY


Difficult people tend to make you say things you normally wouldn't. Remember - you have control only on yourself. When you speak ethically, it may create a ripple effect and lead to thoughtfulness on others' part too. Those who are rude, grumpy, criticize or brag may get under your skin but giving them back in kind is not always the answer. Though tempting, the only result guaranteed are frayed nerves. If you feel your words won't help then the best options are to say as little or nothing, without appearing rude. It avoids any unnecessary negativity and puts you in a position of strength.

WHEN

People need kind words letting them know they are appreciated in any big or small way. Compliments, encouragement, empathy, consolation go a long way in letting another know you care. The time for such words in always now, here.

In conclusion -

Know your audience.
Understand and be clear about what you are saying.
Use appropriate language.
Only say what needs to be said.
Speak at appropriate time and place.
Know yourself and the person/ people listening to you.


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Sure, all the above are ideal case scenarios and it's always easier said than done. But if keeping in mind a few things helps us go a long way in making our lives better then why not ?! After all life Is about trying till we succeed. We all have people in our lives who misunderstand us or wish we could get along better with. Why not try and make things better for all those around ?
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4 Spin Offs:

On December 21, 2008 at 2:26 PM , Heart'n'Soul said...

Is this really a whole BOOK???

cuz this reminds me of our marketing class - 5Ws and 1H of communication...hehehe

I wish i had learnt it in tht class... but since i din, i am gonna remeber these pointers and save this link now...hehehe

 
On December 21, 2008 at 6:35 PM , Adisha said...

@Heart'n'Soul

Hehe. Yeah. But in the book, you'll find a LOT of stories that are a reflection of our day to day lives. Kahani har insaan ki ;)

Oh! You've done MBA?! Cool. I'm really glad you find it useful enough to save it. Purpose solved. :D

I too wish I'd found this book earlier. But hey, better late than never huh ?! hehe

take care, have fun !!

 
On December 28, 2008 at 12:08 PM , Karan said...

Hey thr...

Thanks fr commenting on my post... ur comment was very generous... especially considering the kind of posts that you have written... you are a seasoned blogger... :) ...

Thank You so much...

And about this post... it is definitely something which can help all of us in our day to day life.. u hv summed it up beautifully in the last para...

need to get my hands on this book... :)

Keep Posting...
Cheers...

 
On February 19, 2009 at 2:24 PM , Pathfinder said...

These points have been really helpful . I will try to get this book if I can